I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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