i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
