Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
