i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
