I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
