Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize