I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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