guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize