There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
