I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
