can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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