i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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