the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
