So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
