I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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