Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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