Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
