just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
