I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
