why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
