I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
