Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
