Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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