soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
