i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
