Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
