just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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