thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
