I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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