i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
