he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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