I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
