Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
