i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
