i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
