I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
