Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
