He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
