Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have post one night stand depression
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
