the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
