I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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