I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
