I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
