We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
