he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
