White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
