the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
