My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
