I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
