2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
