I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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