did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
