Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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