I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
