I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize