She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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