the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
