1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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