he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
