Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
