If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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