You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
