I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
