lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize