What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
