so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
