So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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