you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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