Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
