dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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