the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize