Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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