He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
