Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
