Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
