I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
