i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
