Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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