Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize