after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
