Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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