he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
