ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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