whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
