I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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