I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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