Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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