i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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