somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
