check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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