If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize