There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My vagina is officially offended.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
