found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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