I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
