help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize