I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize