After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
