We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
