I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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