he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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