i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
