All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
