dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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