pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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