So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
