yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
