Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
